As women, we easily become victim to our emotions, especially when we’re not thinking clearly. I’m pretty sure I even cried on Toy Story 3 when Andy leaves for college.
Yes, I cried over a cartoon movie – don’t judge me.
That is why it is of the utmost importance to keep our eyes open AT ALL TIMES! – Especially when courting (I will post on the difference of dating and courting very soon).
Let me start by sharing a few things about myself:
I’ve been in three different relationships where marriage was a serious topic. One of which was with my daughters’ father.
We had pre-marital sex (obviously) and I just knew I was in love! Although things didn’t always line up: He’d step outside to talk on the phone all hours of the night, he’d say he was going to be home “in a minute” but would leave me waiting up for him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Yet, I stayed. Because I loved him. He had me wrapped around his finger (and sometimes had his hands wrapped around my neck). It was a physically and mentally abusive relationship. But I stayed. Why? Because I thought he loved me too. EVERY TIME we would argue, he would start kissing me and EVERY TIME it would lead to sex. Our problems were never solved, just covered by physical attraction. That wasn’t love, but lust.
Another relationship: we had instant chemistry even without sex. I thought I climbed Mount Everest because I waited a month to have sex with him (I was being a lady this time). But things didn’t add up with him either. He would say he loved me, and how he wanted to marry me, but would never let me meet his parents. I thought I loved him too. After all it was perfect how we met through a friend… I was 23, he was 25 and we both wanted to be married within a year. God sent, right? WRONG. Sadly, he was controlling. Wanted to know my every move. He would even call my friend to make sure I was where I said I was! But the sex was good. So I stayed. Once again, lust fooled me.
And then: the man of my dreams comes along. This time I had been celibate for 8 months prior to meeting him, and didn’t sleep with him for 3 months (I was REALLY a lady now!) Only 3 years later, after ring shopping, meeting family members and kids, various trips away, he decided he wasn’t ready for that commitment. WHAT?!? But it took all of that for me to see: Although he is an amazing person, he’s not the one for me. I loved him as a person, a friend. But what I was in love with was his stability, his ability and potential. Once all of that was no longer on the table, my feelings changed INSTANTLY! Once again, fooled by lust! Only this time it wasn’t only physical lust, but lust of how he looked on paper.
How could I let that happen to me not once, but THREE times?!?
I was letting my flesh, my hormones, my SELF tell me how I felt.
I LOVE science, so let’s get science-y for a moment: We know that sex releases oxytocin in your brain. It makes you feel good, loved, all of that mushy stuff. Once that’s released that act (sex or the idea of it) triggers something in us to say “oh yea I like that!” So we relate sex to feeling good, loved and happy. Why is it so hard for an abused woman to leave her abuser? Oxytocin. Her brain is telling her, if you leave, you’re not going to have that feeling anymore. Although getting hit hurts, your brain chooses not to remember that, but remember the good times.
THAT IS SO DANGEROUS!
Ladies, it’s time to take the lust glasses OFF!
What if I’m in a sexual relationship?
You can still take them off. If you’re serious about walking in your purpose and trusting in God for everything, be celibate.
Oh, your “man” doesn’t believe in “church”?
You’re unequally yoked, and the Bible speaks against that (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). It’s time to part ways honey.
•Your “man” doesn’t want to lose that part of the relationship?
Sex shouldn’t be a foundation of your relationship anyway. If he’s that concerned about losing it, yet not ready to marry you, then you don’t have much of a relationship to begin with.
•Your “man” knows premarital sex is wrong, according to the Bible, but he’s not ready to get right with The Lord yet?
Then he’s also not ready to lead you, as his wife, or a family closer to God. LET HIM GO!
Sex is a wonderful thing. After all it creates life! But it should be enjoyed under a covenant made before God (Him saying “Baby I’m gonna marry you” as he’s undressing you DOES NOT COUNT!) You were bought at the price of our Savior’s life. Don’t sell yourself short to someone who cannot MAN up and marry you!
“But we don’t have enough money for a ring.” Who ever said you HAD to have a ring?
And we don’t live by the rules of society anyway (Romans 12:2).
“Getting married is expensive.” A marriage license which makes you legally married is no more than $60 in a majority of states. If you can’t afford that, then there are several other reasons you shouldn’t be getting married (We’ll talk about finances in another post).
The way that I see it, (now, because I clearly didn’t understand this years ago) – Why create an unnecessary soul tie with a random (a man you either don’t intend on marrying, or doesn’t intend on marrying you). Each time you have sex with someone that’s exactly what you’re doing. In order for you to be a wife that benefits her husband you need to be cleansed of any past hurt from previous relationships. Otherwise you’ll take that into your marriage and your husband will already be at a disadvantage because of your scars. The more partners you’ve had, the longer AND harder it’s going to be take to break those ties.
I read a quote that said,
“The person God has for you will NOT try to have sex with you before you’re married.”
How can you trust someone to lead you closer to God, if he cannot exhibit self-control?
I feel that being physically attracted to your future husband is very important, but just because you’re physically attracted doesn’t mean you have to act on it, and neither should he.
How can you prevent being fooled by the lust glasses?
Don’t put them on.
Give yourself the peace of mind in knowing you made a sound decision based on truth, rather than making a decision based off of a chemical being released in your brain that is KNOWN for causing people to make irrational decisions.
I can honestly say when God introduces me to my husband I don’t even want us to kiss until we’re married (sounds so old school, I know) BUT, I know myself. I know what causes me to think irrationally. I know my limits. And if I am going to fall in love with a man that God has for me for what REALLY matters, I won’t need to label him a good kisser before we say I do.
Take the lust glasses OFF! Set boundaries, make them known and don’t lower your standards. Instead, wear the truth which is found in the Word.