It’s been a while, and man oh man have some things been put on my heart. I’ve been delayed in writing as not to release too many topics that will be in my upcoming book!
But I’m back!!
My church recently re-launched its Singles’ Ministry, and it left a huge imprint on my mind. At this meeting there was a panel of about five women, ranging from 28 to well-seasoned, and there were two men as well. Each person had a lot of insight to give the group, and most importantly, it was Godly!
The older gentlemen gave us the scripture 1 Corinthians 7:32 (NIV)
“…An unmarried man (woman) is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord.”
This really struck me because how many times do we, as unmarried people, complain about not being married. Not having eye or arm candy? How many times do we covetously look at others wanting what they have in their relationship? And wanting it right now!
The bible tells us right here that we should be concerned with pleasing the Lord. Not sitting around complaining about what we don’t have.
If we were busy doing the Lord’s work, we’d be thankful that we don’t have to worry about someone else’s feelings. That we don’t have to turn the light out late night because someone else is trying to sleep while studying, or worry about turning the lights on early in the morning as we begin our quiet time with Him. We don’t have to worry about giving someone else part of our 24 hour day, that for some reason never seems long enough!
So why are we complaining again?
There are many people in relationships right now, that are just holding on for a ring. Literally, barely holding on! As if they think that marriage will solve their relationship issues, or their life issues.
Honey, that couldn’t be further from the truth!
Marriage will only amplify the problems you already have, especially those personal issues you haven’t allowed God to handle yet.
One thing that is so important to remember is that God is not going to give his prized possessions (whether it is His son or daughter) willingly, to someone who is just going to tear them apart! We need to spend this time asking the Lord to heal us from past hurt, break previous soul ties that we have created, and to overall renew our spirit from anything that has broken it. Those slight insecurities that you have now, don’t just disappear. Instead, you now have someone in your mix, in your space a majority of the time. And THEY have to deal with them. Are they going to want to put up with those issues? You can end up emotionally harming your relationship, and the results of that can be very hurtful to both parties.
All of these social media quotes talk about how men emotionally hurt women and leave them scarred… Well women have a tendency to do the same. No statistics necessary, women hurt men too. So it’s not just about a man being prepared to be a husband, women also need to be fully prepared to be a wife. How do you prepare? By wholeheartedly giving your life to God and allowing Him to break down all of the walls you’ve previously built up, and allowing Him to rebuild you into a spouse that will be genuinely loving, helpful, but most importantly, someone who will not create a god out of their spouse!
I can say for a fact I’ve had so many issues in relationships by making the person I was with ahead of God. My relationship with Him would always suffer when I was with someone. I had to really think about that, and understand that God is not going to give me someone that I am going to love more than Him. He’s jealous, remember? God should be the head of our lives regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not. If we don’t honor that structure, God can, and will send us a wake up call, that’s usually not so pleasant (a breakup is a great example.)
God loves us too much to bring someone into our lives that we are not ready to fully appreciate and to honor as He has instructed us to honor.
Notice, I’m specifically talking about God intentionally bringing someone into our lives to be a spouse. Not talking about the cute man/woman you met at church, are attracted to, and you pursued without approval from the Lord… Now that’s a completely different situation.
Nonetheless, it is so important that we spend this time of unmarriedness (yes I am fully aware that is not a real word) wisely. Being unmarried should be the least of our concerns because we should be participating in ministries, spending time with God, learning more about ourselves and what we love. The fact that we aren’t married should be something that we rarely think about!
Well I want to change, but I’m afraid…
Is it going to be a little uncomfortable at first? Yes. Change usually is.
But it’s not impossible, because we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength!
Being unmarried is not a curse, a death sentence, or anything to be ashamed about (don’t let ANYONE tell you differently either!)
This too, is a very special and important time in your life that is so purposeful! This is YOUR time to learn about God, and yourself in a way that you will miss when the season is over (at least that’s what married people tell me.)