Your impatience WILL NOT intimidate God!

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Revised: October 2016

It has been a little while since I’ve posted, and for good reason. I got a job!!! Yes on top of being a mother, student, volunteer, and working my own business – I got a job. It is a huge blessing!

Anyway, I have had this topic on my plate for a little while, and it is about time I share it with you all!

When this came to me I had to laugh at myself (it is truly the best medicine, if you’ve never done it you have to try… you won’t be disappointed.) There have been countless times I’ve tried to do what I thought was best for me and each time I fell flat on my face!

Why is that so funny?

It’s funny because we do it to ourselves TIME AND TIME AGAIN! We rush into things God never said we are ready for and then wonder why our hearts end up hurt in the end. Uh… we weren’t supposed to be in that position anyway! HELLO!

How many times have you rushed God? Or said, “Ok God, I’m going to do [insert activity here] now, and I’m expecting you to bless it because it’s what I want.”

✋🏾 Yes, I am guilty.

If God’s plan was for you to be single until your mid 30s, He doesn’t care if you see someone attractive and strike up a conversation at 23 and think it’s going to change His plan for you because you have good conversation.

Just because the relationship was smooth, and you didn’t have any major issues doesn’t mean that person is meant to be your spouse.

I strongly believe that we each know, deep in our hearts if the person we are dating is meant to be our spouse. If they aren’t, there’s a little uneasiness about us, we tend to feel unsure, or that there’s something missing. Ignoring those feelings because your “biological clock” (that doesn’t exist by the way) is ticking, is impatience.

The Bible says in Psalms 90:10, “Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; …” Now understanding that with sin in the world, that time is not guaranteed to us. But we were built to live long lives (you must take care of your body though – eating healthy, exercising, all of that good stuff!) Abraham and Sarah had their first child when they were 100 and 90, respectively. The babysitter that cared for me when I was a child had her son at 45. If you’re anxious about having children and feel it cannot happen for you unless you’re married by the time you’re 30, you have officially placed a limit on God.

For the record, YOU CANNOT LIMIT THE LIMITLESS!

God is not man, therefore He cannot lie (Numbers 23:19) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, He CAN do the impossible! The unimaginable! The extraordinary!

If He could bless Abraham and Sarah, even after their disobedience, surely He can bless you too and give you the desires of your heart.

One thing I find extremely interesting; what if God’s plan was for you to have [insert your desire here] by now, but because you were so caught up in your “biological clock” and making things happen for yourself (because God wasn’t working fast enough for you) YOU have now postponed or even canceled the plan God had for you… I really want you to think about that.

I’ve thought about it.

That relationship you’re holding onto because you’re afraid to be “lonely”, that job you haven’t left yet because you “can’t afford that pay cut”, that grudge you haven’t let go of because “they were in the wrong”…

God is God… you are human…

Unlike your co-workers, children, family, friends – you CANNOT intimidate Him! Stop trying! All you are doing is hurting yourself. Delaying the blessings that God wants you to have! He doesn’t want to see His precious children hurting, lonely and lost. We first need to be complete in Him, THEN He can start pouring out our desires.

It takes work, it takes prayer, it takes God to make this transformation in your life. Read the love story He wrote for us (the Bible), learn it so you can meditate on it and remind yourself in those troubling times, and most importantly LIVE IT!

If you’re following God in everything you do, you will be in the right place at the right time in order to receive the blessings He has intended for you.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Be encouraged.

How I Knew He Wasn’t “The One”

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For some women, dating is this awkward period of time where we are constantly questioning whether the man we are presented with is “the one.” I’ve experienced this myself with practically every man I’ve dated. The routine is the same:

1. Meet

2. Ask if he’s single

3. Begin talking on a consistent basis

4. Find qualities you like about him

5. Find out if he has a desire to be married

6. Then exclusive dating

7. If everything has run pretty smooth up until now, you ask yourself and God, “Is he the one?”

8. Either God responds immediately saying “No,” or things begin to fall apart between the two of you OR God doesn’t respond right away, and you take matters into your own hands.

It seems to go this way every time, without actually thinking about it. It just happens.

Well I am here to help you out a little bit.

Three times I knew he wasn’t the one.

One: We had been dating for a good length of time. Longer than I had dated anyone up to that point. We were sexually active. God was really trying to do a work in me, but I wasn’t yielding my whole life to Him, so it wasn’t coming to pass. I knew the battle I was facing, and I explained it to “the one.” I told him we needed to be celibate because God is not pleased with us. Even though  what we’re doing in life is flourishing, He wants so much more from me. He argued that removing the sex from our relationship would change our dynamic. I argued that sex was a bonus, and if it’s that important to him, and he knows he wants to be with me then we needed to get married. He wasn’t ready. He understood my points, he even respected my reasoning, but he didn’t agree that we needed to be celibate.

Why wasn’t he the one?

As Believers, we ought to strive to walk like Christ walked (see 1 John 2:6.) Christ was without sin. And we were deliberately sinning. I could appreciate that he respected my decision, but he didn’t agree. So if things got steamy, he wouldn’t stop and say “we shouldn’t be doing this.” Or if I said “Stop, we shouldn’t be doing this,” he wouldn’t be upset. He wasn’t willing to set up those necessary boundaries to prevent falling into temptation, but he also wasn’t willing to marry and have the approval of God to keep doing what we were doing.

Two: Handsome, “Man of God,” (I said that in quotes because that’s how he introduced himself to me.) We hadn’t known each other too long, but we hit it off. The conversation was great, we had similar interests, and we could literally talk about God on a regular basis without it being odd or “preachy.” Then temptations became known, and took over. We fell. Afterwards we said it wouldn’t happen again because it should have never happened. We individually went into our prayer closets, asked for forgiveness and set boundaries so that it couldn’t happen again. While hanging out a little too late, temptation came on the scene again. I said, “No” he said, “C’mon!” In my mind I justified it, and we fell again. As time went on that became our relationship, until he moved away.

Why wasn’t he the one?

Regardless of the fact that he moved, he wasn’t honest about his intentions with me. In a conversation I had later down the line, it was apparent that his intentions weren’t to properly court me, propose and then marry me. His intentions were to sleep with me, and leave. But he lured me in with his “Man of God” persona. For some of us who are struggling to wait on God in this pool of single-emotionally available-working-heterosexual men who love God, that feels extremely shallow, we become anxious and jump at the first opportunity that presents itself, instead of waiting for God’s green light to proceed. Then the next thing we’re cooking for and taking care of him as though he’s our husband because we want him to stay. When we never received confirmation that God wants us to be where we are. Philippians 4:6 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (NIV). He knows the desires of your heart. He sees your obedience, if both of those areas are in check, He’s got you covered (see Psalm 84:11.)

Three: Dating lead to sex (again, yes I know – I’ll talk about underlying issues later.) God grabs a hold of me and says, “Come back to Me!” So I told  “the one”, “Look, I have work to do, and I can’t get it done while sinning. We need to stop.” He’s upset and wondering why. I told him how I felt. “I love you,” and proceeded to tell him that I not only cared about him while he’s here, but also his salvation was very important to me. We’re not pleasing God in what we’re doing, and I know this hurts, but I have to step away.

Why wasn’t he the one?

In all that I was saying relating to his salvation, my salvation, our individual relationships with God. His only rebuttal was that’s not what he wanted. It’s like he wasn’t even understanding what I was telling him. All of that “God stuff” wasn’t as important as his desires. The bible tells us the man is the spiritual covering/ head of his household (see 1 Corinthians 11:3.) I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a husband who is not willing to acknowledge that God’s will should come before our desires.

It is awfully hard to expect someone to act in a way that you don’t act yourself, and for that I cannot fault any of these men that were not for me, but like the popular quote, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” If you both have a strong desire to please God in your life and relationship, you will both be diligent about ensuring it gets accomplished. Had I waited on God instead of jumping because the response wasn’t coming quick enough for me, these men would have naturally shown themselves to me, and I would have backed away knowing he’s not what God had planned for my life. I know it’s hard waiting. But that’s where faith comes in. Faith in knowing that God hears you, He sees you, and He knows His daughter’s desires. And by doing His will, your thoughts will align with His thoughts and you will find peace in knowing He has you in His hands. He will carry you. He will see you through the difficult times just like He did with David, Moses, Abraham and so many more!

Be encouraged.

Breaking Your Own Spirit

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How many times have you heard:”Don’t break their spirit”?

Referring to a child, or anyone for that matter. Usually because they’re not doing something “right” or by “normal” standards…

Did you know you can break your own spirit?

Well you can.
In my experience, breaking your own spirit hurts more than someone else breaking your spirit. You’ll continue trying to justify why you should put up with lowering your standards and morals. Versus someone else breaking your spirit, you can disregard what they say.

Let’s just say over the last year I have done a lot of breaking my own spirit. Settling for significantly less than I deserve in several areas of my life.

You may ask, but how did you break your own spirit?

One way was engaging in relationships that didn’t build me up. Friendships, dating, things like that. Holding onto people that don’t deserve to be in my life because I felt I needed them, or they needed me, so I thought.

I’ve learned that people who are needy will prey on those who need to be needed to satisfy their selfish desires. While those who need to be needed will prey on those who are needy to fulfill their selfish desires.

Did that person say they needed you? Or did you assume because they lack something you have, they needed you to teach them that quality? Did they actually ASK for your help, or are you handing out your help because you want to feel important, or like you saved them from themselves?

These are questions I’ve been asking myself lately since I fall into the “need to be needed” category.

There have been several times where I was not asked for help, but I will ask if help is needed anywhere or I’ll just step in if I saw lack. I’m wasn’t being led by God, no shove from the Holy Spirit, it was just me.

This eventually led to self destruction.
I never gave myself an opportunity to rest, causing a horrible snowball effect.Not having a chance to rest affected my ability to be available to my children, as well as my overall enjoyment of life. Everything became a chore. It wasn’t a matter of me having hobbies and taking time out to do things that made me happy, but everything felt like it HAD to be done! My selfish desire of needing to be needed took over my life.

Generally I love to cook. I would find joy in it. That too became a chore that I didn’t want to do.

So I didn’t.

That resulted in us eating out frequently, gaining weight and overall feeling the affects of not properly nourishing our bodies.

I wasn’t properly resting.

I stopped praying.

My kids were getting on my nerves every second of the day.

I didn’t find joy in anything!

My spirit was broken… by ME!

God wasn’t leading me to do ANY of the things I was doing, I just did them because I felt I needed to do them.

I had to check myself…

I said “You used to love this! The activity hasn’t changed, so you must’ve changed. What is wrong?!?”

What was wrong was my lack of contentment.

I want things that it’s not God’s timing for me to have…

*clears throat* my own home, a husband…

That translated into doing SEVERAL things that should bring joy, but didn’t because I wasn’t doing them for the right reasons.

As soon as I stopped being satisfied with what I have been blessed with was the moment everything began to fall apart. Not overnight, but very gradually.

When I was previously able to keep things together, it was because I was content in where I was in my life! Content in my blessing, and content in the things I lack because I knew God was aware of the desires of my heart, and He wouldn’t withhold those things from me if I was righteous (Psalms 84:11.)

But thank God for revelation…

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭33-34‬ NKJV

The moment I started examining the “happiness” of others, over the will of God for my life, is when selfishness and discontentment settled in and I broke my own spirit.

Be Kingdom minded and enjoy the season YOU are in…

Don’t break your own spirit.

Be encouraged.