The Thin Line Between Preparation and Infatuation (Idolatry)

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As the idea for this blog initially came to me, I thought it was going to be an extremely long, detailed explanation of how to determine whether your preparation was becoming an idol in your life. After reading more about pursuing God whole heartedly, that idea changed pretty significantly. 

Just to ensure we’re clear, an idol is:

1. an image or other material object representing a deity to which religious worship is addressed.
2. any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion (Dictionary.com)

Is it just me, or does it seem like when you’re single, EVERYONE else is in a relationship or getting married? UGH!
In these times it’s easy to diligently read the articles like: “How to get a man and keep him” or “Why aren’t you getting asked out?” or “10 ways to make him love you”…
The problem with these articles is they usually focus on how you should dress, assert yourself, or even change who you are to be noticed and accepted. I have not seen one of these get-yourself-a-date-quick messages talk about staying in your purpose and being patient.
We have to remember, we are believers in a sin-filled world. Most of what we see on the newsstands does not glorify the God we serve. While it’s convenient to pick up a magazine while we’re standing in the checkout line, as my previous post depicts, “Not Everything Is Beneficial.” We have to understand the perspective of the article is not for someone striving to live more like Christ. 
Now for the juicy part…
How to determine whether your preparation has become an idol.
1. If you are spending more time reading pre-marital or marriage material, sitting with married people asking questions about how they knew their spouse was “the one,” or dreaming about/ planning your wedding day (and night), than you are reading the Word, serving, and being in God’s presence, it’s become an idol.
That’s it!
Matthew 6:19-24 talks about storing your treasure in heaven. By being infatuated with marriage, we are placing our hope in a union that may not be in God’s will for our lives (I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth.)
What happens if we spend most of our time focused on marriage, and how to be married, but it never happens or happens a lot later in life than we thought it would? We would have used valuable time that we could have been serving God, and being His hands and feet, in feelings of discontentment because we didn’t have something we wanted. Being anxious about something that was never guaranteed to us. 
After storing your treasures in heaven, Matthew 6:25-34 talks about not being anxious. The passage ends with this:
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Vs. 33-34 ESV).
I truly believe the more we seek Him, the more our thoughts and desires line up with the plan God has for our lives. 
This concept is not just for the singles looking for marriage, but for anyone who is spending more time focused on their wants and dreams, than God Himself. Even if God has given you an idea, you have to intentionally stay connected to Him in order to know which way He wants you to go next. It is easy to get consumed in executing the vision, but without God, the vision can easily sway from what He wants, to what you want.

If we believe the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10), then our joy is in, and comes from, Him. Not a relationship nor marriage (or whatever else we’re hoping for.)
Be encouraged.

what’s wrong with me?!?

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I was having a conversation with one of my sister-friends, and I was talking about how someone I met had so much potential, but then he just fell off the radar. I was disappointed because I liked a lot of the qualities he had and we had several things in common. For the life of me though, I couldn’t figure out why I was having to guess whether he was interested. His actions and his words were polar opposites!

So in our girl’s talk I continued with, “I can’t help but think, what’s wrong with me?!? But I know there isn’t anything THAT wrong, I’m not crazy. I have a lot to offer!”

After we talked a little about it and got off the phone, I had to encourage myself just a little more, and I did so in four steps!

Step 1: 

There is nothing wrong with you because you’re single!!!

Singleness is not a curse!

The longer we think of singleness as being a curse, the longer we will focus on a desire that God has chosen not to fulfill yet. God tells us, He knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11), just because we don’t know every step of His plan does not mean that our desires have gone unnoticed.

Step 2:

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”

Are y’all ready? I’m calling this step the “Ruby Principle”

Just because someone takes a ruby to the pawn shop because they needed something the ruby wasn’t providing at that moment, doesn’t mean the ruby is any less valuable.

It means the person who owned the ruby didn’t see the long-term value in what they had. They needed something quick. They couldn’t see the value of the gem because they were focused on what it didn’t give them at that very moment.

Your worth will not diminish simply because someone doesn’t see it. 

Step 3:

What is your purpose?

We are each on this journey to fulfill the purpose (or as I tell the kids at church, the job) that God has given us. That should be our number one priority. In that process, we are going to impact lives, save souls for Christ, show love to those who are feeling unloved, and be Christ’s hands and feet! Some of us have put our whole lives on hold waiting to “do” life with a mate. When that wasn’t God’s intention for us. He never said, “Women, you can’t live up to your purpose without a husband.” Or “Men, you’ll definitely need your helpmate to fulfill your calling, so don’t even try until you find her.”

Are you occupying yourself in the Lord?

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:32-34 says, “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lordʼs affairs—how he can please the Lord… An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lordʼs affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.”

I don’t know about you, but my purpose has me really busy right now… that’s not including my girls and what they have going on, do I really even have the time to entertain someone?

Step 4:

Scripture. 

Reading God’s promises to us. His word that never changes. 

If you think you’ve never gotten a sweet note from an admirer, you’re wrong, the Bible is the sweetest letter you’ll ever read. And although it was transcribed by people, it is from God himself, and unlike man, God will never let you down. 

Here are some scriptures I went to for encouragement:

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter‬ ‭3:8-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:3-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Just to name a few. 

God knows what He’s doing. For those who desire to be married, singleness is a situation where trusting Him and His plan are of the utmost importance. Especially considering “desperate times call for desperate measures.” You’re not desperate because you’re single, that leads to acting in ways that you normally wouldn’t to get attention, or get someone to stay. This goes back to the “Ruby Principle.” It just takes being reminded some times, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Be strong. Be focused and as always,

Be encouraged.

How I Knew He Wasn’t “The One”

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For some women, dating is this awkward period of time where we are constantly questioning whether the man we are presented with is “the one.” I’ve experienced this myself with practically every man I’ve dated. The routine is the same:

1. Meet

2. Ask if he’s single

3. Begin talking on a consistent basis

4. Find qualities you like about him

5. Find out if he has a desire to be married

6. Then exclusive dating

7. If everything has run pretty smooth up until now, you ask yourself and God, “Is he the one?”

8. Either God responds immediately saying “No,” or things begin to fall apart between the two of you OR God doesn’t respond right away, and you take matters into your own hands.

It seems to go this way every time, without actually thinking about it. It just happens.

Well I am here to help you out a little bit.

Three times I knew he wasn’t the one.

One: We had been dating for a good length of time. Longer than I had dated anyone up to that point. We were sexually active. God was really trying to do a work in me, but I wasn’t yielding my whole life to Him, so it wasn’t coming to pass. I knew the battle I was facing, and I explained it to “the one.” I told him we needed to be celibate because God is not pleased with us. Even though  what we’re doing in life is flourishing, He wants so much more from me. He argued that removing the sex from our relationship would change our dynamic. I argued that sex was a bonus, and if it’s that important to him, and he knows he wants to be with me then we needed to get married. He wasn’t ready. He understood my points, he even respected my reasoning, but he didn’t agree that we needed to be celibate.

Why wasn’t he the one?

As Believers, we ought to strive to walk like Christ walked (see 1 John 2:6.) Christ was without sin. And we were deliberately sinning. I could appreciate that he respected my decision, but he didn’t agree. So if things got steamy, he wouldn’t stop and say “we shouldn’t be doing this.” Or if I said “Stop, we shouldn’t be doing this,” he wouldn’t be upset. He wasn’t willing to set up those necessary boundaries to prevent falling into temptation, but he also wasn’t willing to marry and have the approval of God to keep doing what we were doing.

Two: Handsome, “Man of God,” (I said that in quotes because that’s how he introduced himself to me.) We hadn’t known each other too long, but we hit it off. The conversation was great, we had similar interests, and we could literally talk about God on a regular basis without it being odd or “preachy.” Then temptations became known, and took over. We fell. Afterwards we said it wouldn’t happen again because it should have never happened. We individually went into our prayer closets, asked for forgiveness and set boundaries so that it couldn’t happen again. While hanging out a little too late, temptation came on the scene again. I said, “No” he said, “C’mon!” In my mind I justified it, and we fell again. As time went on that became our relationship, until he moved away.

Why wasn’t he the one?

Regardless of the fact that he moved, he wasn’t honest about his intentions with me. In a conversation I had later down the line, it was apparent that his intentions weren’t to properly court me, propose and then marry me. His intentions were to sleep with me, and leave. But he lured me in with his “Man of God” persona. For some of us who are struggling to wait on God in this pool of single-emotionally available-working-heterosexual men who love God, that feels extremely shallow, we become anxious and jump at the first opportunity that presents itself, instead of waiting for God’s green light to proceed. Then the next thing we’re cooking for and taking care of him as though he’s our husband because we want him to stay. When we never received confirmation that God wants us to be where we are. Philippians 4:6 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (NIV). He knows the desires of your heart. He sees your obedience, if both of those areas are in check, He’s got you covered (see Psalm 84:11.)

Three: Dating lead to sex (again, yes I know – I’ll talk about underlying issues later.) God grabs a hold of me and says, “Come back to Me!” So I told  “the one”, “Look, I have work to do, and I can’t get it done while sinning. We need to stop.” He’s upset and wondering why. I told him how I felt. “I love you,” and proceeded to tell him that I not only cared about him while he’s here, but also his salvation was very important to me. We’re not pleasing God in what we’re doing, and I know this hurts, but I have to step away.

Why wasn’t he the one?

In all that I was saying relating to his salvation, my salvation, our individual relationships with God. His only rebuttal was that’s not what he wanted. It’s like he wasn’t even understanding what I was telling him. All of that “God stuff” wasn’t as important as his desires. The bible tells us the man is the spiritual covering/ head of his household (see 1 Corinthians 11:3.) I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a husband who is not willing to acknowledge that God’s will should come before our desires.

It is awfully hard to expect someone to act in a way that you don’t act yourself, and for that I cannot fault any of these men that were not for me, but like the popular quote, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” If you both have a strong desire to please God in your life and relationship, you will both be diligent about ensuring it gets accomplished. Had I waited on God instead of jumping because the response wasn’t coming quick enough for me, these men would have naturally shown themselves to me, and I would have backed away knowing he’s not what God had planned for my life. I know it’s hard waiting. But that’s where faith comes in. Faith in knowing that God hears you, He sees you, and He knows His daughter’s desires. And by doing His will, your thoughts will align with His thoughts and you will find peace in knowing He has you in His hands. He will carry you. He will see you through the difficult times just like He did with David, Moses, Abraham and so many more!

Be encouraged.

Open House

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Recently I felt a strong urge to get closure in a relationship that ended, but didn’t have the typical “I hope I never have to see him again” ending.

I reached out to him and expressed what I was looking for, and he gladly decided to help me out.

Now, mind you, he has moved on. Although at one point there was a possibility that we could have reconciled. It just didn’t happen.

After speaking with him, and getting a few things out in the open, as well as learning a few things about my actions in our relationship I felt relief, but at the same time, it felt like my heart was broken all over again!

How weird is that? I wanted to feel better, not worse, right?

After the discussion, I felt horrible about myself!

Am I not wife material? Am I not pretty enough? Smart enough? It’s the fact that I’m a single mother, right? Or is it because I’m not as financially stable as a man would want his future wife? What does she (or they – as in other women who have similar stories to mine) have that I don’t?

All of these thoughts just rushed into my head and I couldn’t control all of the emotions that I was presented with.

I prayed.

Cried.

Prayed some more.

Cried some more… you know how that goes…

Then, when asked how I was doing, I responded with “I’ve been better.”

After being asked (although I really didn’t want to talk about it because just the mention would make my eyes well up with tears), I briefly summarized, and I got this amazingly encouraging response (yes I got permission before I shared it)

“If you want new furniture in your house you have to remove the old furniture. Or it all won’t fit. It doesn’t diminish the value of the home, it’s just meant to enhance the comfort of the home and be a reflection of the owner. Even with a house, there is a time when the land is cleared, the foundation set, the frames, windows, walls and paint are put in place. Then there’s a time when the house is shown to potential buyers. The buyers are allowed to visit, but not stay to imagine what living in the house would be like. They evaluate if the home is suitable for their life plans. This process can take time and the house can be empty for years. But when the right buyer comes along, the house will be filled with items, memories. It will be a shelter, comfort, a landmark for the family. It will grow, change and maybe even have some unplanned additions. This is the house becoming a home.”

Being honest, I had to read the whole thing before I connected my situation to the analogy sent to me, because I am not a house… but one day I would love to be a home.

That amazing analogy was followed up by this:

“People are just like the house becoming a home process. There is no need to judge the empty house for what it is. You look at the potential for what the home could be, and if that home is what you need. Our emotions make us feel out of control, but we are ALWAYS in control. The devil just takes the opportunity to create confusion to challenge you and give you struggle. This is the process of growth. ‘All things work for the Kingdom.’…”

It was then personalized for little ol’ me:

“It seems you are a great house and many see the value, but it looks like you’ve had some squatters occupying your property. And as long as that was happening, you could not find a family to make it a home. It also sounds like the eviction process was painful. But now when you look at the value of the property (you) and the house (the woman you are), all of a sudden your stock rises. A vacant sign (single) is out and you have an amazing broker (God). Before you know it your experience will be used to keep your home together for the family that lives in it.”

WOW! Can you say the nail was hit directly on the head!!

Now, this is coming from someone who doesn’t know the full extent of the relationship or my feelings.

When I thanked him, he said he’s just the messenger.

LOOK AT GOD!

My mind was so distracted with emotions that I wasn’t listening to what my Father wanted me to know.

As I’ve mentioned before, breakups are hard. They take time to get over, and you can’t rush the recovery process.

After a season of harvest, in order to make sure the land can nourish another harvest, farmers have to let the land just sit. They don’t plant anything, it’s just an empty field, that way when it’s time to plant, their product will be healthy and plentiful.

We are just like that!

We need that time to rest, recuperate, and review. Everything in life is a lesson, and unless you’re taking time to review the material, you’re going to end up in the same situation once again.

Those words touched me so much today (and yes I got teary eyed – don’t judge me it was much needed).

So on top of telling you that just because you’re no longer in that particular relationship that you are still valuable and there’s a better fit for you, I also want to encourage you to encourage someone else.

If the Lord has put something on your heart to share with someone, be obedient. You never know exactly what they are going through and how your words can deliver them from what they are going through.

Be encouraged.

God and Your Relationship

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I read an interesting question the other day from one of my favorite Facebook pages. It is dedicated to single Christians that are walking/ learning to walk in their purpose while trusting God and waiting for their spouse.
The question asked, “Does God really care about who we marry? Or does He want to be involved in the selection?”

My response: Yes and YES!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV

In ALL your ways, not just some of them.

I’ll use this personal example:

I was in a relationship, it wasn’t bad, abusive, harmful or anything. It was actually going really well. Then it ended.

The REALLY hard part came when it was time to explain to my daughters why he wouldn’t be coming around anymore – I have learned some helpful lessons about dating with children, I’ll address that at a later time – I tried to break it down as easily as possible for them to understand, I simply said, “God didn’t choose him for me, I chose him.” When asked for more details, I asked them some questions:

Why do we pray? They answered, “To talk to God.”

I asked why are we supposed to talk to God, they said, “So we know what He wants us to do.”

I affirmed them.

We talk to God for direction, for guidance.

(as usual, while teaching them, I end up learning something myself)

Now although I was praying while in this relationship, I was praying that this man WOULD be “the one”, I didn’t start asking if he was until close to the end of our relationship… and guess what God said?

NO! He pointed out several reasons why he wasn’t my husband, but did I call things off? No… Had I ended things earlier (when I was told to) I wouldn’t have experienced the hurt I did because of how it ended.

Now back to the question: Does God care about who we marry?

ABSOLUTELY!

We have been given instructions on who we, as Believers, should connect with/ marry:

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthias 6:14

We have also been given specific instructions on how husbands and wives are to treat each other in marriage:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the savior of the body.” Ephesians 5:22-23

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,” Ephesians 5:25-26

Knowing this, why wouldn’t God care?

Marriage is a covenant made before God and He wants us to be connected to people that will enhance our relationship with Him. If our partner is hindering that relationship instead of enhancing it, what’s the point? Companionship? Sex? Children? – Those things are bonuses to marriage, not the purpose for it.

Now for the women, as a wife, would you submit to someone who is leading you in the wrong direction? Of course not! Especially when we know right from wrong. As a wife, we would be disobeying God by not submitting to our husband. Now, the fact that our husband is not someone we would want to submit to (for whatever reason) would be no one’s fault but our own. We weren’t seeking God’s approval of this person before we made our vow “’til death do us part.”

For the second part of the question: Does He want to be involved in the selection?

YES!

Galatians 5:16 tells us to walk in the Spirit. By walking in the Sprit we can avoid “fornication, adultery, hatred, envy, selfish ambitions, idolatry” (verses 19-21)

-Notice, I included characteristics that are usually present in relationships where God isn’t –

When God is involved, we are less likely to fulfill our own selfish, lustful desires, so we NEED Him to be involved in order to keep us focused on the task at hand – enhancing the Kingdom of God!

This can be a challenge, because we think we know what’s best for ourselves (or we get caught up by how they look on paper or in person), but as David said in Psalms 139:1-3 “O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.” (The rest of this chapter is good too, but I’ll let you look it up yourself).

He knows us better than we know ourselves!! He knows what we NEED!

Not only what we need today, but what we’ll need tomorrow – we don’t. Let Him direct ALL your paths, not just some of them…

Be encouraged.

Remove the LUST glasses

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As women, we easily become victim to our emotions, especially when we’re not thinking clearly. I’m pretty sure I even cried on Toy Story 3 when Andy leaves for college.
 
Yes, I cried over a cartoon movie – don’t judge me.
 
That is why it is of the utmost importance to keep our eyes open AT ALL TIMES! – Especially when courting (I will post on the difference of dating and courting very soon).
 
Let me start by sharing a few things about myself:
I’ve been in three different relationships where marriage was a serious topic. One of which was with my daughters’ father. 
We had pre-marital sex (obviously) and I just knew I was in love! Although things didn’t always line up: He’d step outside to talk on the phone all hours of the night, he’d say he was going to be home “in a minute” but would leave me waiting up for him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Yet, I stayed. Because I loved him. He had me wrapped around his finger (and sometimes had his hands wrapped around my neck). It was a physically and mentally abusive relationship. But I stayed. Why? Because I thought he loved me too. EVERY TIME we would argue, he would start kissing me and EVERY TIME it would lead to sex. Our problems were never solved, just covered by physical attraction. That wasn’t love, but lust. 
Another relationship: we had instant chemistry even without sex. I thought I climbed Mount Everest because I waited a month to have sex with him (I was being a lady this time). But things didn’t add up with him either. He would say he loved me, and how he wanted to marry me, but would never let me meet his parents. I thought I loved him too. After all it was perfect how we met through a friend… I was 23, he was 25 and we both wanted to be married within a year. God sent, right? WRONG. Sadly, he was controlling. Wanted to know my every move. He would even call my friend to make sure I was where I said I was! But the sex was good. So I stayed. Once again, lust fooled me.
And then: the man of my dreams comes along. This time I had been celibate for 8 months prior to meeting him, and didn’t sleep with him for 3 months (I was REALLY a lady now!) Only 3 years later, after ring shopping, meeting family members and kids, various trips away, he decided he wasn’t ready for that commitment. WHAT?!? But it took all of that for me to see: Although he is an amazing person, he’s not the one for me. I loved him as a person, a friend. But what I was in love with was his stability, his ability and potential. Once all of that was no longer on the table, my feelings changed INSTANTLY! Once again, fooled by lust! Only this time it wasn’t only physical lust, but lust of how he looked on paper.
 
How could I let that happen to me not once, but THREE times?!?
 
I was letting my flesh, my hormones, my SELF tell me how I felt. 
 
I LOVE science, so let’s get science-y for a moment: We know that sex releases oxytocin in your brain. It makes you feel good, loved, all of that mushy stuff. Once that’s released that act (sex or the idea of it) triggers something in us to say “oh yea I like that!” So we relate sex to feeling good, loved and happy. Why is it so hard for an abused woman to leave her abuser? Oxytocin. Her brain is telling her, if you leave, you’re not going to have that feeling anymore. Although getting hit hurts, your brain chooses not to remember that, but remember the good times.
THAT IS SO DANGEROUS!
 
Ladies, it’s time to take the lust glasses OFF!
 
What if I’m in a sexual relationship?
You can still take them off. If you’re serious about walking in your purpose and trusting in God for everything, be celibate. 
Oh, your “man” doesn’t believe in “church”? 
     You’re unequally yoked, and the Bible speaks against that (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). It’s time to part ways honey. 
•Your “man” doesn’t want to lose that part of the relationship? 
     Sex shouldn’t be a foundation of your relationship anyway. If he’s that concerned about losing it, yet not ready to marry you, then you don’t have much of a relationship to begin with. 
•Your “man” knows premarital sex is wrong, according to the Bible, but he’s not ready to get right with The Lord yet? 
     Then he’s also not ready to lead you, as his wife, or a family closer to God. LET HIM GO!
 
Sex is a wonderful thing. After all it creates life! But it should be enjoyed under a covenant made before God (Him saying “Baby I’m gonna marry you” as he’s undressing you DOES NOT COUNT!) You were bought at the price of our Savior’s life. Don’t sell yourself short to someone who cannot MAN up and marry you! 
 
“But we don’t have enough money for a ring.” Who ever said you HAD to have a ring?
Society did.
And we don’t live by the rules of society anyway (Romans 12:2). 
“Getting married is expensive.” A marriage license which makes you legally married is no more than $60 in a majority of states. If you can’t afford that, then there are several other reasons you shouldn’t be getting married (We’ll talk about finances in another post).
 
The way that I see it, (now, because I clearly didn’t understand this years ago) – Why create an unnecessary soul tie with a random (a man you either don’t intend on marrying, or doesn’t intend on marrying you). Each time you have sex with someone that’s exactly what you’re doing. In order for you to be a wife that benefits her husband you need to be cleansed of any past hurt from previous relationships. Otherwise you’ll take that into your marriage and your husband will already be at a disadvantage because of your scars. The more partners you’ve had, the longer AND harder it’s going to be take to break those ties.
 
I read a quote that said,
“The person God has for you will NOT try to have sex with you before you’re married.”
How can you trust someone to lead you closer to God, if he cannot exhibit self-control?
 
I feel that being physically attracted to your future husband is very important, but just because you’re physically attracted doesn’t mean you have to act on it, and neither should he. 
 
How can you prevent being fooled by the lust glasses? 
Don’t put them on.
 
Give yourself the peace of mind in knowing you made a sound decision based on truth, rather than making a decision based off of a chemical being released in your brain that is KNOWN for causing people to make irrational decisions. 
 
I can honestly say when God introduces me to my husband I don’t even want us to kiss until we’re married (sounds so old school, I know) BUT, I know myself. I know what causes me to think irrationally. I know my limits. And if I am going to fall in love with a man that God has for me for  what REALLY matters, I won’t need to label him a good kisser before we say I do. 
 
Take the lust glasses OFF! Set boundaries, make them known and don’t lower your standards. Instead, wear the truth which is found in the Word. 
 
Be encouraged.