The Healing Process

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I watched a video of a friend who gave this revelation:He’s currently going through chemotherapy and his doctor asked him if he wanted to store his sperm. When he asked his doctor why, he was told that  after chemo, if he impregnates a woman, the baby would likely have some type of disability or even die.

Chemotherapy is intended to heal someone from cancer. It’s a process that’s very draining, tiring, some times frustrating, yet significantly life changing. 

It’s intended to be a good thing, because it’s battling the sickness within you, but while you’re going through it, it’s rough.

Just like the healing process we have to go through when we’ve been hurt, especially after a break up. 

We have to go through this process to be healed, but it hurts. We often times have to revisit areas where we were betrayed, lied to, cheated on, or physically hurt. We also have to revisit times where we acted out of character by things we may have said or done. It’s tiring because in those times we cry endlessly. We have to go deep into our past to see why we accepted the relationship, or why we continue to date the same person just with a different face. But the entire process is life changing, and we’re usually never the same after.

If we do not acknowledge and be intentional about the healing process, we will produce something damaged.

After one of my break ups, God clearly told me this man wasn’t my Adam. But I loved him very much. I didn’t want to accept that. Regretting that I didn’t take him back, I would go back and forth to him thinking I messed up. My lack of acceptance of God’s “No” ended up causing him heartache because I would come back, we’d start to reconsider a relationship, and then I’d feel the conviction of going against God, and I’d turn away from him again. 

I needed healing, but I was allowing my feelings to convince me that I was going to be lonely, that I would never be with someone who treated as well as he did. 

In the process of me seeking God for healing and battling my mind, I produced something damaged… him. I hurt him repeatedly in the process because I was going through a period where I needed to be alone, but I didn’t want to be. I never intended to hurt him, but the popular saying is true, “Hurt people, hurt people.”

Not allowing ourselves to heal takes a huge affect on not only us, but those we interact with mentally, and makes all of us question our value:

Why didn’t they stay?

Am I not good enough?

What could I have done to make them stay?

The thing you must ask yourself is: was I heathy entering this relationship? Was he/ she healthy? As much as we probably don’t want to admit it because they’re a cute face, if someone just got out of a relationship, they’re not healthy.

A few other questions to consider:

Were you seeking God BEFORE entering that relationship? Were you paying attention to red flags early on? Were you knowledgable about what you wanted? Or did you acknowledge what you needed, and did they possess those qualities? Were you asking him/ her the right questions to get to know them? Did you honor God in your relationship? Did you stay sexually pure?

Answering no to any of those questions is setting your relationship on a rocky foundation. And when you’re solely searching for validation, affirmation or companionship, that foundation is bound to crumble.

Stepping aside to heal doesn’t mean you’re not capable of being in a successful relationship. It does mean that you want a relationship that will last, not just something temporary that feels good. You’re concerned about your well-being, and the other person who is involved. 

Store your heart away for some time as God takes you through the necessary therapy to be fully restored.

Be encouraged.

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Your impatience WILL NOT intimidate God!

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Revised: October 2016

It has been a little while since I’ve posted, and for good reason. I got a job!!! Yes on top of being a mother, student, volunteer, and working my own business – I got a job. It is a huge blessing!

Anyway, I have had this topic on my plate for a little while, and it is about time I share it with you all!

When this came to me I had to laugh at myself (it is truly the best medicine, if you’ve never done it you have to try… you won’t be disappointed.) There have been countless times I’ve tried to do what I thought was best for me and each time I fell flat on my face!

Why is that so funny?

It’s funny because we do it to ourselves TIME AND TIME AGAIN! We rush into things God never said we are ready for and then wonder why our hearts end up hurt in the end. Uh… we weren’t supposed to be in that position anyway! HELLO!

How many times have you rushed God? Or said, “Ok God, I’m going to do [insert activity here] now, and I’m expecting you to bless it because it’s what I want.”

✋🏾 Yes, I am guilty.

If God’s plan was for you to be single until your mid 30s, He doesn’t care if you see someone attractive and strike up a conversation at 23 and think it’s going to change His plan for you because you have good conversation.

Just because the relationship was smooth, and you didn’t have any major issues doesn’t mean that person is meant to be your spouse.

I strongly believe that we each know, deep in our hearts if the person we are dating is meant to be our spouse. If they aren’t, there’s a little uneasiness about us, we tend to feel unsure, or that there’s something missing. Ignoring those feelings because your “biological clock” (that doesn’t exist by the way) is ticking, is impatience.

The Bible says in Psalms 90:10, “Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; …” Now understanding that with sin in the world, that time is not guaranteed to us. But we were built to live long lives (you must take care of your body though – eating healthy, exercising, all of that good stuff!) Abraham and Sarah had their first child when they were 100 and 90, respectively. The babysitter that cared for me when I was a child had her son at 45. If you’re anxious about having children and feel it cannot happen for you unless you’re married by the time you’re 30, you have officially placed a limit on God.

For the record, YOU CANNOT LIMIT THE LIMITLESS!

God is not man, therefore He cannot lie (Numbers 23:19) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, He CAN do the impossible! The unimaginable! The extraordinary!

If He could bless Abraham and Sarah, even after their disobedience, surely He can bless you too and give you the desires of your heart.

One thing I find extremely interesting; what if God’s plan was for you to have [insert your desire here] by now, but because you were so caught up in your “biological clock” and making things happen for yourself (because God wasn’t working fast enough for you) YOU have now postponed or even canceled the plan God had for you… I really want you to think about that.

I’ve thought about it.

That relationship you’re holding onto because you’re afraid to be “lonely”, that job you haven’t left yet because you “can’t afford that pay cut”, that grudge you haven’t let go of because “they were in the wrong”…

God is God… you are human…

Unlike your co-workers, children, family, friends – you CANNOT intimidate Him! Stop trying! All you are doing is hurting yourself. Delaying the blessings that God wants you to have! He doesn’t want to see His precious children hurting, lonely and lost. We first need to be complete in Him, THEN He can start pouring out our desires.

It takes work, it takes prayer, it takes God to make this transformation in your life. Read the love story He wrote for us (the Bible), learn it so you can meditate on it and remind yourself in those troubling times, and most importantly LIVE IT!

If you’re following God in everything you do, you will be in the right place at the right time in order to receive the blessings He has intended for you.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Be encouraged.