The Healing Process


I watched a video of a friend who gave this revelation:He’s currently going through chemotherapy and his doctor asked him if he wanted to store his sperm. When he asked his doctor why, he was told that  after chemo, if he impregnates a woman, the baby would likely have some type of disability or even die.

Chemotherapy is intended to heal someone from cancer. It’s a process that’s very draining, tiring, some times frustrating, yet significantly life changing. 

It’s intended to be a good thing, because it’s battling the sickness within you, but while you’re going through it, it’s rough.

Just like the healing process we have to go through when we’ve been hurt, especially after a break up. 

We have to go through this process to be healed, but it hurts. We often times have to revisit areas where we were betrayed, lied to, cheated on, or physically hurt. We also have to revisit times where we acted out of character by things we may have said or done. It’s tiring because in those times we cry endlessly. We have to go deep into our past to see why we accepted the relationship, or why we continue to date the same person just with a different face. But the entire process is life changing, and we’re usually never the same after.

If we do not acknowledge and be intentional about the healing process, we will produce something damaged.

After one of my break ups, God clearly told me this man wasn’t my Adam. But I loved him very much. I didn’t want to accept that. Regretting that I didn’t take him back, I would go back and forth to him thinking I messed up. My lack of acceptance of God’s “No” ended up causing him heartache because I would come back, we’d start to reconsider a relationship, and then I’d feel the conviction of going against God, and I’d turn away from him again. 

I needed healing, but I was allowing my feelings to convince me that I was going to be lonely, that I would never be with someone who treated as well as he did. 

In the process of me seeking God for healing and battling my mind, I produced something damaged… him. I hurt him repeatedly in the process because I was going through a period where I needed to be alone, but I didn’t want to be. I never intended to hurt him, but the popular saying is true, “Hurt people, hurt people.”

Not allowing ourselves to heal takes a huge affect on not only us, but those we interact with mentally, and makes all of us question our value:

Why didn’t they stay?

Am I not good enough?

What could I have done to make them stay?

The thing you must ask yourself is: was I heathy entering this relationship? Was he/ she healthy? As much as we probably don’t want to admit it because they’re a cute face, if someone just got out of a relationship, they’re not healthy.

A few other questions to consider:

Were you seeking God BEFORE entering that relationship? Were you paying attention to red flags early on? Were you knowledgable about what you wanted? Or did you acknowledge what you needed, and did they possess those qualities? Were you asking him/ her the right questions to get to know them? Did you honor God in your relationship? Did you stay sexually pure?

Answering no to any of those questions is setting your relationship on a rocky foundation. And when you’re solely searching for validation, affirmation or companionship, that foundation is bound to crumble.

Stepping aside to heal doesn’t mean you’re not capable of being in a successful relationship. It does mean that you want a relationship that will last, not just something temporary that feels good. You’re concerned about your well-being, and the other person who is involved. 

Store your heart away for some time as God takes you through the necessary therapy to be fully restored.

Be encouraged.