what’s wrong with me?!?

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I was having a conversation with one of my sister-friends, and I was talking about how someone I met had so much potential, but then he just fell off the radar. I was disappointed because I liked a lot of the qualities he had and we had several things in common. For the life of me though, I couldn’t figure out why I was having to guess whether he was interested. His actions and his words were polar opposites!

So in our girl’s talk I continued with, “I can’t help but think, what’s wrong with me?!? But I know there isn’t anything THAT wrong, I’m not crazy. I have a lot to offer!”

After we talked a little about it and got off the phone, I had to encourage myself just a little more, and I did so in four steps!

Step 1: 

There is nothing wrong with you because you’re single!!!

Singleness is not a curse!

The longer we think of singleness as being a curse, the longer we will focus on a desire that God has chosen not to fulfill yet. God tells us, He knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11), just because we don’t know every step of His plan does not mean that our desires have gone unnoticed.

Step 2:

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”

Are y’all ready? I’m calling this step the “Ruby Principle”

Just because someone takes a ruby to the pawn shop because they needed something the ruby wasn’t providing at that moment, doesn’t mean the ruby is any less valuable.

It means the person who owned the ruby didn’t see the long-term value in what they had. They needed something quick. They couldn’t see the value of the gem because they were focused on what it didn’t give them at that very moment.

Your worth will not diminish simply because someone doesn’t see it. 

Step 3:

What is your purpose?

We are each on this journey to fulfill the purpose (or as I tell the kids at church, the job) that God has given us. That should be our number one priority. In that process, we are going to impact lives, save souls for Christ, show love to those who are feeling unloved, and be Christ’s hands and feet! Some of us have put our whole lives on hold waiting to “do” life with a mate. When that wasn’t God’s intention for us. He never said, “Women, you can’t live up to your purpose without a husband.” Or “Men, you’ll definitely need your helpmate to fulfill your calling, so don’t even try until you find her.”

Are you occupying yourself in the Lord?

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:32-34 says, “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lordʼs affairs—how he can please the Lord… An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lordʼs affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.”

I don’t know about you, but my purpose has me really busy right now… that’s not including my girls and what they have going on, do I really even have the time to entertain someone?

Step 4:

Scripture. 

Reading God’s promises to us. His word that never changes. 

If you think you’ve never gotten a sweet note from an admirer, you’re wrong, the Bible is the sweetest letter you’ll ever read. And although it was transcribed by people, it is from God himself, and unlike man, God will never let you down. 

Here are some scriptures I went to for encouragement:

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter‬ ‭3:8-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:3-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…” ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Just to name a few. 

God knows what He’s doing. For those who desire to be married, singleness is a situation where trusting Him and His plan are of the utmost importance. Especially considering “desperate times call for desperate measures.” You’re not desperate because you’re single, that leads to acting in ways that you normally wouldn’t to get attention, or get someone to stay. This goes back to the “Ruby Principle.” It just takes being reminded some times, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Be strong. Be focused and as always,

Be encouraged.

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A Man is NOT a Financial Plan

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Being a mother is tough! Any mother will tell you that.
Being a single mother is even more tough! Especially if you’re not getting financial assistance from your child(ren)’s father.

That struggle in itself can make you feel a little desperate…
Now get out of your feelings Sis!

I used to think the only way things would get easier for me was to get married. You know, a two-income household is stronger than one. He’s a man. He’ll work hard to take care of his family because that’s what he’s supposed to do according to the bible, right? I would be able to be a stay at home mother and only work if I wanted to, no pressure though.

Then I had to check myself… I was about to settle for a man who had the financially stability I wanted,

BUT…

His spirituality was lacking significantly.

Unless I was on his back about reading, studying, going to church, paying tithes, he wouldn’t do it…

Wait! Doesn’t the bible say the man is to lead the household to God?!
Why am I doing that?

Yea, he wasn’t my Adam, but I was so set on his financial stability I was willing to allow the spiritual inconsistencies to take a back seat to his bank account.

Now the bible tells us “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21.
So if I treasure his bank account, over his relationship with God, I love his wallet more.

The thing about loving your (or someone else’s) wallet more than God is: wallets get lost, stolen, taken away. People get fired, laid off, demoted.

ANYTHING that’s not God can change! So if you’re valuing something other than his love for God and his ability to lead you and your children/ future children to God, then you’re already starting off on the wrong foot.

Marriage is for a lifetime.
What would happen if:
You got married to this financially stable, yet spiritually inconsistent man, and he lost his job?

The reason you decided to marry him is no longer there, do you divorce him because he’s no longer able to provide? Or are you no longer attracted to him?

Well God also doesn’t like divorce, so what do you do?

Resent your husband? Talk bad about him to your friends? Hold out on intimacy? Cheat?
See, that escalated pretty quickly. But it happens.

If your marriage has a foundation of God and nothing more; rain, hail, sleet, snow, tornado, hurricane, earthquake, whatever will not tear your marriage apart because you’re bound by the ONLY unchanging force. God.

Yes it’s tough being alone (not lonely for God is ALWAYS with you), but imagine introducing your child(ren) to a man, only to have to explain to them what divorce is. Or have them see you unhappily married…

God knows your needs. He provides you with what you need. Make sure you’re being a good steward over those things (often times we think we are, and we’re not).

Don’t become desperate because things are tough or you’re tired of doing things on your own. Stay patient and in expectation of God’s best, because we know God won’t hold out on His best for the righteous.

Allow God to lead your every step and He will not steer you wrong. Yes it may take some time,
“But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord, one day is a thousand years and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us” 2 Peter 3:8,9 NKJV.

Don’t allow this so called “biological clock” to overrule the Author of Time Himself.

Be encouraged.